She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
