can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she woke up with a sticky ear
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize