I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
