chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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