How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Randomize
