JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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