I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
