i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
