Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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