Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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