so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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