I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize