Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
