he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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