im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
