No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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