someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
