He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
