And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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