He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
