Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
