HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The uberlube is also flammable
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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