Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
