You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
