Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
