idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
