yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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