I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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