I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
