I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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