He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
