im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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