U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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