she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
