Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
