3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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