i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
