And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
