Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize