i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
