Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
