im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
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I need you to use more vowels.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There r osticjed everywhere
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize