Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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