I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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