Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
