I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
