Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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