Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
