and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
