i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
