He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
