I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
