"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
