we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
