I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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