she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
