I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want nice things and good sex
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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