So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
