did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize