"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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