Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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