Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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