I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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